Today I am feeling like a one talent loser. I speak of the parable of the talents in which several individuals were given charge of their master's wealth while he was away. Two of the individuals did well with their master's wealth and earned him double what they were given. The master was happy and gave them charge of more. The individual who received the least of the wealth was afraid to do anything with the wealth and buried it in the ground to keep it safe. When the master returned he was furious because the servant did nothing with the wealth. The master called the servant wicked and lazy and cast him out into the darkness.
Today I am feeling like that servant.
I don't know if it is true or merely my recollection, but I remember myself being much more creative, fearless, full of joy and life and one point and time. I remember being invigorated by the thought of having the opportunity to serve in ministry and the challenge of leading people closer to Christ. I remember having ideas flowing through my mind constantly.
Over the past six years I have given myself to laziness, anger, gluttony, selfishness and rage. I have not been what I desire to be or what the Lord desires me to be. I read this parable of the talents and I think about my life and ministry now. It's joyless, apathetic, without passion and vision, my mind can't concentrate on one thing long enough to accomplish anything. I wonder if I am the one talent loser. I know I have definitely been afraid to move, to act, to try due to a wide range of fears and insecurities.
Days like today I am definitely feeling like I've been cast out into the darkness. The scripture does not speak of it, but I wonder if there is redemption for the one talent loser. Does he get a second chance?